Let me start off by saying that this blog isn’t about what YOU should or shouldn’t do as a parent! Instead, I’d like to share my experience with you.
Alright, here we go.
James 4:13-16- Look here, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit." How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog--it's here a little while, then it's gone. What you ought to say is, "If the Lord wants us to, we will live and do this or that." Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.
This scripture is hard for me for two reasons.
By no means have Kayla and I ever been wealthy. So I’m not going to tell you a story about how I was rich, and I gave it all up to become an author and start this ministry. I still have debt collectors calling about old debts and we are trying to pay that stuff off. We are doing the best we can to be responsible with money while still being generous with what we have. At the end of the day, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. That’s more than some people can say and I’m extremely blessed to have the opportunity to pursue God’s calling in my life full-time.
It hasn’t always been that way though.
Well, this lesson changed my life. As some of you know, I lived in Los Angeles and Seattle before coming to Norman. I was in ministry in both places and I really thought I had life figured out. I was wrong. I'm not sure if you ever "figure it out". When you think you have, then you're probably further from the truth than the people who are still asking questions. When our willingness to learn fades away; we open the door to pride and ignorance.
Find friends who will be honest in a world where it seems like everyone is offended by everything. If you truly want to grow as a person you have to be told that you’re wrong and then you have to discover new things. Whether you are writing a book, raising a family, or just trying to become a better version of yourself; iron sharpens iron.
Have you ever hit two pieces of metal together. It doesn’t always sound soft and gentle. Sometimes it even creates sparks. At the end of the day to become sharper you have to learn to grow through healthy confrontation.
How do you approach confrontation in a healthy way?
End arguments as quickly as possible by communicating. When Kayla and I first got married small arguments would last hours. Our fundamental beliefs about relationships were nowhere near each other. She believed in "give and take", and I believed in trying to become unoffendable so nothing could bother you.
Needless to say that caused a rocky foundation when we had disagreements. I tried to get Kayla not to be bothered by whatever was wrong, and she tried to get me to do what she wanted by doing what I wanted. I think both philosophies are helpful when paired together with grace, but neither works when you take a hard stance on one or the other.
We are moving to Corpus Christi, TX on Friday. There is a mixture of excitement and anxiety and Kayla and I are choosing to embrace excitement as much as possible. I will miss Norman a lot. It’s where Kayla and I have developed our marriage and even grown our family from two to three with Violet’s arrival.
In January I began talking with Kayla about moving from Norman. It’s hard to explain what led to our conversation without seeming overly spiritual, but I will just share and you can think I’m crazy if you want.
My wife, Kayla, asked me this question before I made the choice to leave my previous career path and be a stay at home father and writer. She followed it up with having me list three things that are most important to me. Then we re-read all of the answers and said: “Let’s make that our reality.” We aren’t quite there yet, but after we painted a clear picture of what we want, we were both able to get on board to take the necessary steps to fulfill our dreams.